Police Perplexed by Pepper Pilfering
I ditty I wrote for my journalism class. Students were tasked with writing an AP style story about a famous fairy tale.
I may have gotten carried away.
Pittsburgh, PA—Peter Piper, Pittsburgh’s premier pickled pepper picker, called police early Thursday morning after the perplexing disappearance of a peck of pickled peppers.
“I spent the whole day picking pickled peppers, only to end my day empty handed.” Piper proclaimed.
Pickled peppers, a piquant Pittsburgh delicacy, currently sell for $50 a peck (approximately 16 pints.) Piper claimed that the pilfering would cause a prompt progression to the poorhouse.
“Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,” said police chief Percy Pennyworth. “A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?”
Police perused local neighborhoods, seeking signs of pepper pilfering, but after more than three hours, precious few pickled pepper clues were found. The only apparent evidence was a trail of thistles leading to the home of a neighbor, Theopholus Thistledown, a successful thistle sifter. Thistledown could not be reached for comment, but a statement from his lawyer stated that his client has an airtight alibi.
“My client, Theopholous Thistledown, could not have committed this curious crime as he was in the emergency room after unfortunately thrusting three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb,” said Rob Rumplestiltskin.
Petunia Piper, Peter’s spouse, proclaimed, “Alas, how shall we feed Patsy, Pablo, Pamela, Pauline, Peggy and Peter Jr. without the profits proceeding from our pickled peppers? Perhaps we’ll have to pawn our possessions.”
Pennyworth promises pursuit of the pickled pepper pilferer will not pause until the entire peck of pickled peppers has been recovered.
“I only hope to get my pickled peppers back in time to produce pickled pepper pies for Simple Simon’s Fair.” said Piper.
I may have gotten carried away.
Pittsburgh, PA—Peter Piper, Pittsburgh’s premier pickled pepper picker, called police early Thursday morning after the perplexing disappearance of a peck of pickled peppers.
“I spent the whole day picking pickled peppers, only to end my day empty handed.” Piper proclaimed.
Pickled peppers, a piquant Pittsburgh delicacy, currently sell for $50 a peck (approximately 16 pints.) Piper claimed that the pilfering would cause a prompt progression to the poorhouse.
“Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,” said police chief Percy Pennyworth. “A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?”
Police perused local neighborhoods, seeking signs of pepper pilfering, but after more than three hours, precious few pickled pepper clues were found. The only apparent evidence was a trail of thistles leading to the home of a neighbor, Theopholus Thistledown, a successful thistle sifter. Thistledown could not be reached for comment, but a statement from his lawyer stated that his client has an airtight alibi.
“My client, Theopholous Thistledown, could not have committed this curious crime as he was in the emergency room after unfortunately thrusting three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb,” said Rob Rumplestiltskin.
Petunia Piper, Peter’s spouse, proclaimed, “Alas, how shall we feed Patsy, Pablo, Pamela, Pauline, Peggy and Peter Jr. without the profits proceeding from our pickled peppers? Perhaps we’ll have to pawn our possessions.”
Pennyworth promises pursuit of the pickled pepper pilferer will not pause until the entire peck of pickled peppers has been recovered.
“I only hope to get my pickled peppers back in time to produce pickled pepper pies for Simple Simon’s Fair.” said Piper.
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